April 27, 2012

{guest post} kim from hitched & stitched

Yo, yo! While I'm in Tejas for work this week, lil' Kim (the one who wears clothes) from Hitched and Stitched is guest posting. Be warned that everything she says is lies. LIES!!! Or maybe they're not... *insert dr. evil laugh* :) -Kara

Dearest Reader,

I thank God that you have stumbled upon this blog post - it may be my only hope for survival. By now, rumors of my disappearance must have traveled well beyond the confines of Hitched & Stitched. Please take heart - I am still alive - though I have lost all feeling in the tips of my fingers due to the tiny thimbles that she forces me to wear from dawn til dusk.

I am speaking, of course, of my captor, her most regal imperial royal highness - Col. Kara Sanders. (She makes me refer to her as such.) I have been forced to work these last thirty days in the dark confines of her Quilting Dungeon, piecing together the 23,962 1 cm squares required to complete her mosaic quilt depicting all the intricacies of Lionel Richie's majestic face.
What started as a simple plea for some friendly help with her latest table runner project turned into this hostage/forced labor situation in which I now find myself: Chained to her sewing table with a rope made of fabric scraps and allowed to eat only discarded bits of organic cotton quilt batting.
I am only able to send this correspondence because I swallowed the last of the dark gray thread while she wasn't looking, forcing her to run out for more. I sit here at her laptop, hands bound behind my back, typing this plea to you, beloved reader, using the blunt end of a seam ripper held between my teeth. I live in fear of her inevitable return.
While I do not know the location of the Quilt Dungeon, I fear for my fate if I do not see rescue soon. I have my own life to live! My own crafts to craft! I grew up loving arts and crafts and learning bits and pieces of sewing from my mom, who used to make lots of my clothes and who worked with my dad in their own craft business. I learned to knit about 7 years ago and went to town making gifts for family and friends.  My husband, Randy, is also an artsy fellow and throughout our nearly ten years of marriage(!) we've enjoyed doing gardening, home improvement, and decorating projects together. But when it came to hobbies, we'd generally go off on our own paths - him playing bass in his band and me starting (and sometimes finishing) countless quilt, sewing, knitting, and decoupage projects.
a sampling of hitched & stitched

Randy and I have always had a great life (one I'd like to get back to!!!) - we're best friends and we love to adventure through life together. But about 6 years ago, we both realized that someone is missing from our family. A little someone we've both been dreaming of our whole lives. But after much work, many years, and countless medical treatments - that little someone has still not made a permanent appearance. Discouraged and broken, we decided to start our own little craft business a couple years ago - partly to make money for treatment and partly to have something to do together that makes us feel fulfilled and in control during such a vulnerable time. So I taught Randy to knit and we set out knitting baby and children's hats and sold them at craft shows and through custom orders. We then expanded to making baby and lap quilts and birthday bunting and various other things people dream up. We have loved our time in the indie craft world and have been able to take back a tiny aspect of our lives through our focus on this project. We hope to continue to expand our business and eventually our family through our crafty pursuits.

We hope to do lots of things - BUT....as you may remember - we can't right now because I AM LOCKED IN KARA'S QUILT DUNGEON! She has been functioning as Hitched and Stitched's Director of Marketing and Sparkles, and honestly, I think the power has really gone to her head. So please, dear reader, take pity on me and try to form a rescue party. No one knows my location, but I think you could start by following the trails of gray thread clippings mingled with drops of Mountain Dew. Bring a pair of fabric scissors to free me from my fibrous shackles. Also, bring a bottle of Pamprin in case you need to subdue Kara during my rescue. Godspeed!

Kara here. Wow. Just... WOW. There are no words.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thanks for leaving a comment!

I usually respond to inquiries or funny bits via email, so please make sure your address is available in your profile.